Louise Gila Monster Loves Muenster Cheese!

Larry the Letter Carrier hopped into Arizona the other day and I began telling him about the World of Cheese Festival, and he was like, whoa mate – put it in a letter so I can share with my online friends.

Hello! My name is Louise Gila Monster (pronounced Hee-luh), and I love Muenster Cheese. I was so excited to learn it was Arizona’s turn to host the World of Cheese Festival. I was prepared to visit each country’s booth and say Hello my name is Louise Gila Monster, and I would love some Muenster Cheese please! But I have to say to my dismay not every booth offered me Muenster Cheese. Sad but it is the truth.  

For the most part, I am pretty quiet, mellow, and shy. But the day at the World of Cheese Festival I got a little loud, and for that I am not proud. Let me tell you why. Gila Monsters eat four meals a year and at the festival I planned to get my quarterly fill.  Here is how the day played out, tell me if I had the right to shout!

The festival was like a puzzle. Cheese tents were scattered here, there, and everywhere at the event. I was so hungry I couldn’t wait, with my slow stocky gait I made my way to booth one, ready to say, “My name is Louise Gila Monster, and I would love some Muenster Cheese!”  I was at the England tent. They offered me Cheddar; said it was better. So, out I went.

To the Germany tent I went. I asked for Muenster cheese, they offered me Limburger cheese on rye bread instead. They asked me what did I think? Why, why would anyone eat Limburger cheese? It stinks, stinks like smelly feet.

Up next was Greece, I hoped to get a piece of Muenster cheese. Please! They had Feta. Said it was better. But not to me!

Where did they hide the Muenster cheese? Booths for Netherland and Japan were side by side. I gave them a try. “My name is Louise Gila Monster, and I would like some Muenster cheese please!” They told me they had Gouda and Sakura. Neither were good to me. They tasted like caramel and a pickled cherry blossom tree!

I was off to Italy. Still no Muenster cheese. All they had was Mascarpone. They offered me Tiramisu, but it just wouldn’t do.

Switzerland was just like Japan and Netherland; they had no Muenster cheese for me. They offered me Swiss cheese with holes, melted on top of a French Onion Soup Bowl.

I heard the booth for Serbia might have Muenster cheese on pizza. Sadly, that wasn’t the truth. They tried to sell me Pule cheese. They wanted to charge me $1300 for 2 pounds of cheese!

I was getting so hungry – I needed cheese. I went to the France tent. They offered me Brie. “My name is Louise Gila Monster, I would like some Muenster cheese please!”. They replied, “We have Munster Cheese!”. I almost cried. Then I realized the cheese they gave me wasn’t the same name. They apologized. They pointed me to the next booth. “You want the Muenster cheese that has been Americanized! What they said was the truth.

America was the next booth. They offered me American cheese. But I said, “My name is Louise Gila Monster, and I would like some Muenster cheese. PLEASE!! I ate and ate one third of my body weight. Now I think I need a drink, after 81 days of no water I deserve one.  

Remember, writing is right on! So, write a comment below.

Your friend,

Louise Gila Monster

Do you remember? How many times a year do Gila Monsters eat? What country had the stinky cheese? What country had the cheese that cost $1300?

Additional tidbits – The Grand Canyon in Arizona is one of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World. Gila Monsters have a very slow metabolism; they can store fat so well they only need to eat 4 times a year. When they eat, they will eat 1/3 their body weight – about 1.3 pounds of food at one time. The average weight of a Gila Monster is 4 pounds. They also store water in their body, so they only have to drink every 81 days! They also hydrate by sitting in water puddles. The Gila Monster was the first venomous animal in North America to get legal protection. They have a painful toxic bite. Their venom is used in medicine to treat Type 2 diabetes. Pule cheese is made from donkey milk, and since donkey’s do not produce a lot of milk it makes the cheese expensive.

Louise Gila Monster Loves Muenster Cheese!